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What's the strangest thing, good or bad, that someone has done after sex? NSFW

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Moments after I finished losing my virginity the girl said "Do you have any questions?"
Was about to put it in when she whispers in my ear with a sexy voice, "be gentle, I have a small vagina" without pause, i whisper right back, "don't worry, I have a small penis". She was all, "wait! what, what what?!" I fell off the bed I was laughing so hard.
I had sex with a friend from college, middle of the day and before I finished she told me I can cum wherever I want so I came on her face. She swallowed all of it then took out her phone and called her friend and just said "Face, I win" and hung up. I'm still puzzled as to what the fuck happened.
My poor attempt at dirty talk whilst drunk. I was giggling and then thought it would be smart to say:
YOU LIKE THAT YOU DIRTY...LADY PERSON?
Didn't work.
I was getting a handy-j from her to finish me off and the girl checked her watch and sighed.
My wife was riding me. She had already come once. I was in a weird/funny mood. She was in the middle of cumming a second time and I just put two fingers in the air, rising them slowly into her field of view, and I said "twoooo," in a really stupid voice. She almost tore my dick off laughing.