бульвер-литтон 2003

[avva]

Ура-ура, есть результаты конкурса Бульвера-Литтона за 2003-й год!

(это конкурс на худшее первое предложение романа (фиктивное); подробности см. здесь в записи годичной давности о том же).

Главный приз достался весьма крутому началу:

They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently.

Но мне больше понравлись некоторые другие:

• The flock of geese flew overhead in a "V" formation - not in an old-fashioned-looking Times New Roman kind of a "V", branched out slightly at the two opposite arms at the top of the "V", nor in a more modern-looking, straight and crisp, linear Arial sort of "V" (although since they were flying, Arial might have been appropriate), but in a slightly asymmetric, tilting off-to-one-side sort of italicized Courier New-like "V" - and LaFonte knew that he was just the type of man to know the difference.
  
• Detective Inspector Mike Norman slipped six fingers into his overcoat pocket, five of them clad in a latex glove and attached to his palm, while the sixth was wrapped in a plastic evidence bag and apparently belonged to the kidnapped pianist Ricardo Moore, or, as it now seemed likely, the kidnapped ex-pianist Ricardo Moore.
  
• Mac was the crustiest ex-LAPD homicide detective with three ex-wives, two mortgages, a greedy daughter wasting time at college, a gay son playing acid-blues punk in some Sacramento dive, and a liver that had been bitch slapped by cheap vodka so many times it looked like a bag of yellow fat, who ever walked into my floral and gift shop.
  
• T'asha lay in bed musing at the slight wrinkles in the down comforter which like waves in a gently wind-blown semi-calm sea heaved gently as she moved her legs under the cover and alternately wiggled her toes, causing a rogue ripple to course across the bed and die against the shore of the pillow.
  
• She lay next to him that night, regretting sleeping with another while they were broken up, knowing she had done nothing wrong but feeling vaguely unclean, like freshly washed, once-folded laundry that has been shoved off the bed onto the floor and slept on by the dog.
  
  Update: См. также результаты Lyttle Lytton Contest, там тоже есть хорошие. Вот, например: "It was just like Jack The Ripper, only, this time, Jack was a she, and possibly some form of time-traveller."

Comments

[nine_k]

Рулез.
Роман, целиком написанный в одном из таких стилей, мог бы быть весьма стоящим чтением :)

[hotgiraffe.livejournal.com]

Про "Had Dorothy known Duncan was a psychopath who..." очень хорошо.

Re:

[avva.livejournal.com]

О, точно, я это пропустил при быстром чтении. Отлично просто ;)

[khatul.livejournal.com]

Про Майка Нормана и шесть пальцев - этому НЕЛЬЗЯ давать приз! Именно потому, что как первое предложение оно гениально!!!

[mratner.livejournal.com]

The Prince looked down at the motionless form of Sleeping Beauty, wondering how her supple lips would feel against his own and contemplating whether or not an Altoid was strong enough to stand up against the kind of morning breath only a hundred year's nap could create.

LOL!!!!

[flaass.livejournal.com]

Напомнило мою старую находку.