avva | посутидельные объяснения языков

Какая замечательная страница!
Большое спасибо, чудесная

volya!

Это огромный список утверждений о языках вида "X is essentially Y spoken under condition Z" (Икс - это по сути дела Игрек, поставленный в положение Зет). Очень много смешных и забавных. Среди авторов узнаю в частности завсегдатаев ньюсгруппы sci.lang.

Вот некоторые, которые особенно понравились (прошу никого не принимать всерьёз и не обижаться, это всего лишь шутки!):

English is essentially bad Dutch with outrageously pronounced French and Latin vocabulary.
English is essentially a bizarre dialect of Chinese, pronounced entirely in the first tone.
English is essentially any other language spoken with a very hot potato in one's mouth.
Today's British English is what today's American English would have become if Americans hadn't had any fun either.
American English is essentially your Queen's English as bastardized by colonists, or is it as colonized by bastards?
English is essentially a language that no one speaks in France.
Old English is essentially mispronounced Modern English spoken while wearing armor and carrying a roundshield and sword.
German is essentially a philosophical cough.
I prefer to think of English as being essentially Dutch with all double vowels halved.
Dutch is essentially German written with English spelling.
Yiddish is essentially a Slavic language where most of the words just happen to be German.
Danish is essentially Swedish while swallowing yogurt.
Swedish is what happened when a Nordic-speaking people got angry at all the other Nordic-speaking peoples and decided to deliberately alter their language to make it look more German.
Swedish, Norwegian and Danish are actually the same language. It's just that the Norwegians can't spell it, and the Danes can't pronounce it.
Classical Latin is essentially an artificial language devised to make the vulgar Roman aristocracy sound intelligent.
Church Latin is essentially reverse-engineered Italian.
Italian is essentially Latin as spoken by people who were shouting at their slaves all the time.
Italian is essentially machine gun fire heard from a long way off.
French is essentially the first syllables of Latin words spoken with a headcold.
Franche est essentialement englaishe ouithe les endinges funnies et lottes de vowelles et les adjectifs en alle les places ronges.
Canadian French is essentially bad English as spoken by a Belgian with an inferiority complex.
Catalan is essentially Spanish when you're not paying attention.
Portuguese is essentially bad Spanish, mumbled.
Romanian is essentially a Romance language trying really hard to blend in with the Slavic languages around it.
Serbian and Croatian are essentially different languages merged by mutual hatred.
Polish is essentially a light form of Russian that even Germans can master.
Polish is essentially any other Slavic language with 70% of its consonants randomly shuffled.
Russian is essentially Englishovat'.
Russian is essentially an articulated wail.
Welsh is essentially what appears on the screen after you have inadvertently been resting your elbow on the keyboard.
Welsh is essentially the only language that can have four consecutive L's.
Sanskrit is essentially PIE [Proto-Indo-European] as spoken by people who like /a/.
Finnish is essentially Estonian spoken in the genitive case.
Finnish is essentially Turkish in the snow.
Modern Hebrew is essentially Biblical Hebrew with Euro-Zionist mismanagement.
Berber is essentially a cousin of the Semitic languages with a fear of vowels.
Egyptian is essentially Coptic with no vowels written.
Coptic is essentially Egyptian with no vowels pronounced.
Japanese is essentially tone-deaf ancient Chinese spoken backwards.
Shanghainese is essentially Mandarin spoken with laryngitis.
Cantonese is essentially what everyone else in China calls swearing.
Modern Tibetan is essentially Old Tibetan as spoken by people whose tongues went numb from trying to actually pronounce Old Tibetan as written.
All non-English languages are essentially French.
The Devanagari script is essentially a collection of snakes dangling from a wire.
The Gujurati script is essentially a collection of snakes that fell from the wire.
Cyrillic is essentially Greek written by a dyslexic Latin speaker.