программистский юмор (англ.)

[avva]

(из внутрирабочего мемохранилища. Для тех, кому любопытно, вот ссылка на истоки жанра)

• You have a problem and decide to use recursion.
  Now you have a problem.
  
  
• You have a problem and decide to use Java.
  Now you have a ProblemFactory.
  
  
• You have a problem and decide to use Python.
  Now you don't know what you have. Could be an int, a string, a list or a problem.
  
  
• You have a problem and decide to use threads.
  Two now problems have you.
  
  
• You have a problem and decide to use Lisp.
  Now you have a list of problems.
  
  
• You have a problem and decide to use locks.
  Now you have
  
  
• You have a problem and decide to use delegation.
  Now your problem is your problem's problem.
  
  
• You have a problem and decide to use anagrams.
  Now you have lamb rope.

...И мой любимый вариант...

• You have a problem and decide to dissolve it in water.
  Now you have a solution.

Comments

[dmarck.livejournal.com]

Толя, всё прекрасно, спасибо.

Мне вот ещё очень про (дед)локи понравилось.

[fyysik.livejournal.com]

про анаграммы не понял(

[farsh.livejournal.com]

a problem -> lamb rope :)

[mother-owl.livejournal.com]

последняя прикольная))

[(Anonymous)]

Можно продолжить.

You have a problem and decide to use Haskell.
Now you have an infinite list of problems.

You have a problem and decide to use Oracle.
Now the problem has you for lunch.

You have a problem and decide to use Apple.
Now you have a license to have a problem on any three computers you own.

Чего-то не шибко креативно получается. Народная мудрость, ее ить соплей не перешибешь-от.

[avva.livejournal.com]

Моя попытка:

You have a problem and decide to use Apple.
Now you have a shiny problem.

You have a problem and decide to implement your own binary search tree.
Now you have a belmopr.

You have a problem and decide to use pair programming.
Now you have someone else's problem.

[zigmar.livejournal.com]

Отлично, спасибо!

Еше вспомнилось (можно при желание подогнать по канон):
Every problem can be solved by adding another abstraction level. Except a problem of having too many abstraction levels.

[spamsink.livejournal.com]

До ООП это говорилось про indirections.

[sutasu.livejournal.com]

упер к себе, не удержался )

[spamsink.livejournal.com]

Now you have a solution.

But the problem is in the precipitate.

[ninazino.livejournal.com]

Ha-ha! No perl:))

[salas.livejournal.com]

a perl mob?

[french-man.livejournal.com]

Твой лубимый - самый лучший.

my attempt

[rip-someday.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decide to use perl.
Now noone can tell what the problem is looking at your solution.

You have a problem and decide to use google.
Now you know 31,457 ways to describe your problem and around 15 completely wrong solutions for it.

You have a problem and decide to use make.
Now you know how to make problems.

You have a problem and decide to upgrade to paid version.
Now you have a real Pro blem.

You have a problem and decide to use workaround.
Now you have to work around a clock to fix it.

Re: my attempt

[zubmudrosty.livejournal.com]

прекрасно!

Длинное, но можно укоротить

[catpad.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decide to use Prolog.
Now:
?- have(X, problem).
you.
?- have(you, Y).
problem.
?- have(you, problem).
Yes.

Re: Длинное, но можно укоротить

[shure.livejournal.com]

Now have(you, problem).

[http://users.livejournal.com/malfet_/]

Отличный список.

You have a problem and decide to use google.
Now you have over million of solutions.

[(Anonymous)]

Now you have about 17,000,000 solution (search took 0.02 seconds).

[msh.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decide to use Agile.
Now you have an epic problem.

отличные

[meshko.livejournal.com]

Любимая напомнила
if you are not part of the solution you are part of the precipitate

You have a problem and decide to use dependency injection.
Now you depend on the problem.

You have a problem and decide to use closures.
Now you have the problem in your environment.

You have a problem and decide to use SCRUM.
Now you talk about the problem every day.

You have a problem and decide to use UML.
Now you are in hell.

Re: отличные

[pargentum.livejournal.com]

if you are not part of the solution you are part of the precipitate
Это какой-то химический юмор уже.

[bearmf.livejournal.com]

> You have a problem and decide to use threads.
> Two now problems have you.
Тонко!

Попробую продолжить

[grep.myopenid.com (from livejournal.com)]

You have a problem and decided to use open source.
Now the community has a problem.

You have a problem and decided to use cloud.
Now you have to pay for every instance of a problem.

You have a problem and decided to use map/reduce.
Now you can easily scale your problem.

[isk.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decided to use jQuery
now you have a $('problem')

You have a problem and decided to use Haskell
now you have a lazy problem

переиначеное старое

[isk.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decided to use Forth
problem a have you now

[plakhov.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decide to use С.
ow you have a pYou have a problem and decide to use С.

[avva.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decide to use STL.
Now you have a _Hashtable_iterator<std::pair<const basic_string<char, str::char_traits<char>, std::allocator<char> >, int>, basic_string<char, std::char_traits<char>, std::allocator<char > >...

[orkatt.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decide to use XP.
Now you have the monkey-problem.

[egle.livejournal.com]

:D

[a-bronx.livejournal.com]

You have a deferred problem and decide to use short-circuit evaluation.
Now your problem is current.

Скорее всего кто-то уже додумался до этого варианта:

[a-bronx.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decide to try exception handling.
Now you have exceptional problems.

[dimrub.livejournal.com]

Ты забыл еще вот этот, например:

You have a problem and decide to use STL
Now you have a _Hashtable_iterator<std::pair<const basic_string<char, std::char_traits<char>, std::allocator<char> >, int>, basic_string<char, std::char_traits<char>, std::allocator<char> >...

[dimrub.livejournal.com]

А так же вот это очень нравится: You have a problem, and decide to use floating point.
Now you have 2.00000001 problems.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_1313/]

You have a problem and decide to use HTML.
Now you have a <big>problem</big>

[moon-aka-sun.livejournal.com]

You have a problem and decide to use J.
Now you have a puzzle.